Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
