just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
