Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
