Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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