Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
