My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
