Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
