i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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