I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
