My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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