What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
