Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
