Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His nipple licking is glorious
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