i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
