apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
