Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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