The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
