i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
