We named our party play list daddy issues
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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