I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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