so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
