You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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