he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
