broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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