My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
