I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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