all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
