I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
