Even the bartender felt bad for me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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