My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After tacos, we're chasing women.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
