sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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