We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
