i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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