Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
