Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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