then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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