the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
