so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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