Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
