Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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