so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
