My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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