You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
