Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
