i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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