Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
