he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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