thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
