I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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