You're my little dorito
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
