I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
