You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
