Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
