it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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